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(Disclaimer: Major justification up ahead)

It got a little dusty in our offices this week. Friday afternoon was the last day for our second year analysts and despite the love / hate relationship that we shared, there was nothing but love around 4pm yesterday. It’s surreal how you see people everyday for 18ish hours for 50ish weeks and then just like that they’re gone. Really puts things in…

Wait, wait, wait. Cut. Fuck that. What am I saying. No easy buckets. No deep thoughts here.

Because it has been one of the craziest weeks I’ve ever had in banking lyfe, who has time for emotional mambo jumbo. As I stood in the middle of some random guy’s birthday party last night, talking to people I don’t remember the name of and probably will never see again, and half-heartedly talking to a short asian girl (who was NOT cute, phew)…I thought, “what wait? I need to sleep.”

Why? Well, take your pick from:

  • Pulled two all-nighters this week – which is good because I didn’t install the AC in my apartment yet so it was too hot to sleep there anyway
  • Still managed to go out three times this week – couldn’t sleep after staying up for 36 straight hours anyways
  • Planned an awesome dinner (yay!) and got blamed for lack attendees from senior guys (boo!) – but laughed in the face of the blamer (and got called out for it like I was in fifth grade, “you think this is amusing?”)
  • Heard “wait, you’re on this deal too?!” not once, not twice, but three times – I’m overstaffed!
  • Heard “you’re not allowed to work on ___, you have to work on ____” too many times to count – respect?
  • Meanwhile, someone else here is completely free – I pity the fool
  • Not one, but two directors sat in my cube cranking on my excel because I just got introduced this behemoth of a 80mb model – I staffed up my directors!
  • I spelled our clients name wrong in a presentation and my MD apologized for it on the conference call – I only let that MD and girls I like to call me by my pet name
  • I have to take care of things like “find out why we got double invoiced on J’s deal toys” – because I have don’t have enough important things to do 
  • I get an email from my VP saying “why is this guy so f-ing stupid, I’m done working on this, you do it”, “it” being send out an email at 11pm on Friday night – because I have so much free time
  • I get a phone call from a MD on the West Coast and…ignored it – no seriously, I have too much free time and not enough important things to do
  • Random one-liners: listening to our MD talk about Call Me Maybe parodies, getting asked my number of all-nighters is over/under 10, arguing that I would never throw ex-colleagues under the bus – lots of fun in banking
  • As our second years left, they passed down some things…I got the Alcoholics Anonymous book – sign of??
  • Most memorable line from our departing guys about me – “You are the biggest smokescreen here”

Through all the other guys saying “you are so f’d” and “I’ve never seen an analysts get dumped on so much” – hey I’m on 7 live deals and serve as HR and as party-planner-in-chief – I try my hardest to keep smiling and laugh when most inappropriate. Because I feel like this is a challenge: how much shit can you pile on me and I still keep laughing at it. Because the third worst thing that can happy to a 24 year old guy has already happened, so there’s nothing you can do to me that…